November 9th 2022: The Election Deception

   

 I walked into Energizer High ready to take on the world. I was doing well in the polls, and my campaign slogan of "Be Real" vote for me was doing well!!! My VP appeared to do well in the polls and my campaign manager was a competent leader. By all accounts, my tech experience, intelligence, and wit should win me the election. Unfortunately, things are not as they seem.

   There were three main problems with my election victory.  I was a Christian, election fraud, and popularity. The big one is my dedicated unwavering support of Christianity and creationism. Which led to my first press conference a few weeks ago on Nov 9th, 2022.  

    I was determined to win my race for the Presidency. I maintained my grades, got a teacher's recommendation, and even agreed to a debate with my candidate. 

     However…I had made a name for myself as the school's foremost Christian. Actually, it was my brand the only thing for which I was known. The homeschooled, anti-abortion, pro-traditional marriage, and creationist kid. This made me a proverbial lightning rod.  Creationism was my main stchik. My main evolutionist rival debated my daily (even ran for president as a joke) and this all came to a head on the day Energizer High stood still. 

I walked towards the benches unsure of what to expect, I had been summoned, and by the legal precedent of the time, the Make Friends Act (2019-2022), I was legally obligated to go see what they wanted. I walked into a proverbial hornet's nest. Within seconds of my arrival, I was faced with the biggest most important question to our high school's democracy of the 21st century. 

"Ethan, are you pro-life or pro-choice?" Ok dear readers let's pause to more thoroughly examine the situation, I am currently 15 years old, it's my first run for school president, and I'm in a high school. I try to answer before being hit with another question.  "Who did your parents vote for? [2022 US Midterms].

On that day I endured a 26-minute interview that ranged from the important issues high schoolers really cared about like who my parents voted for in the (real) elections and if I could change the curriculum of the school to the 'far-right', to Christian textbooks. We did not even use textbooks!!! I spoke with authority even standing against my VP on the life issue. I referenced Focus on the Family, movie reviews, Christianity, Answers in Genesis, and every evangelical thing that had nothing to do with the school.

 

"Will you change the curriculum of the school?"  I answer the questions to the best of my ability reaffirming God's Word while also trying to explain that this is a high school and as much as I would like to change the curriculum to a Christian curriculum I'm not on the district board and nor am I the governor of Texas. Nevertheless, I'm still inundated with questions. 

"Yes, Im prolife." 

"I believe that all men are created by God."  

"The Earth is 6 to 10 thousand years old."

"I cannot change the school curriculum."

    I am then asked questions about a variety of random political commentators I have yet to hear of like Ben Shapiro who was apparently on Focus on The Family. Hence, I respond the only way I know how, "Yes, I like him."  "What is your opinion on Andrew Tate?" "Who, never heard of him." Throughout all my questions, I need to do more research. Finally, I ran and got my campaign manager who gets the VP who answers questions. Unfortunately for me, she is basically the reverse of all my answers. Mercifully the most epic press conference of all time ended. I emerged from the press conferences Energizer's, new, 'far right' political leader.

I campaigned hard putting up posters, adopting a blanket strategy, and personally speaking to voters. I campaigned on having FUNraisers and being an honest and truthful candidate, not bribing voters with candy, but by using good ideas. Later in the year, I had an informal Christian debate with my main opposition over the same issues.  Then came the day I gave my campaign speech. 

After my speech, I thought things were going well. Due to a field trip, my VP and my opposition had to send in video messages. Then came my first threat, my number one evolutionist rival, who led a campaign on not voting for him. The seniors got up and talked. On election day I was excited and stressed. Unfortunately, I lost but that was not the end of the story.

As I was cleaning up after the election something caught my eye one of my posters had been covered up by my competition. This was in blatant disregard of election law. I also reported some random kid for offering every kid a dollar if he won the election, clearly, violating election law for normal candidates AND write-ins. This obviously stole votes from me because even though the kid had no shot and was violating multiple counts of the law, let's face it kids are kinda dumb. How she would know who voted for him and not get scammed HERSELF was beyond me. 

I also thought about the joke campaign. This sparked a new interest. I documented this in an email to the leaders and hoped for a meeting to overturn the results of the fraudulent '22 election     

#SSALTW!!!