I arrive at school, report in hand. I see Denver talking to his top investor, looking shocked and upset. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Oh, nothing. Everything’s… okay.” Then he notices me. “Oh, hi, Makena.” Hazele’s sister is here, though she confirmed to me she doesn’t want to invade GCAM. I show my report to Deveer, telling him he has to keep it a secret. Unfortunately, he tells others, and it spreads around the school a bit, but thankfully not to Maria, who we have to keep in the dark for the experiment to work.
Unfortunately, I spot Geronimo talking to Denver again, and Denver pressures me to show Maria the report. I relent, thinking it might do some good, but unfortunately, a freak-out like none other ensues—Denver looks stressed, Maria is hyperventilating, and I’m standing off to the side. Finally, lunch is over, and I start preparing statements. The stock market is doing fairly well as I head to start taping GNN, furiously changing the actors to Denver and Maverick, as GCAM is acting really, really weird. Denver furiously asks me to shut down the market, which I do, and everyone gets their profits from the company.
In response to the freak-out, a rumor spreads that I like Maria. I militarize the ACDS team to get ahead of the rumors, but for some reason, Denver and Maverick push fake news, moving blocks around to make it look like I spelled “Maria,” taking a picture, and sending it to her. I freak out, shut them down, and commandeer Maverick’s phone to set things straight. While filming GNN, I get on camera, quickly coming up with a new catchphrase, “Jesus is the center of my life,” to counter the 9th-grade narrative that Maria was the center of my life, hopefully ending this war with the power of GNN by its air date on Tuesday, like the writer eight days before when SSA would lead the way.
Emerging from filming, SSA is sanctioned by GCAM at the end of the day, and I vow a full investigation. Back at HQ, I furiously plan a return, monitoring social media feeds and strategizing. The next Monday, I’m ready to show strength, running around the gym in the face of adversarial people. My working theory is that 9th grade sparked this war, but for what reason, I don’t know—Geronimo, Denver, and even Special Agent Maverick. Thankfully, I have allies in JVN, and SSA is prepared for times like these. Due to SSA stymying “Summerism,” GCAM is now essentially completely isolationist. With SSA pulling back from GCAM and focusing on the 9th-grade threat, GCAM essentially becomes irrelevant.
I decide to react to other students’ lies and manipulation even more intensely, hoping to push for an administrative ban on the topic. Meanwhile, SSA is scrambling against time to reopen lines of communication with GCAM. Summer offers friendship, and I quickly write a contract that would essentially ban her from accidentally sparking Crush War Three, but it goes unsigned by her. Departing from school, I ponder and write a note essentially “apologizing” in vague terms so that no blame is actually placed on us (because we did nothing wrong or illegal). I seek out Reddit and pretend that the software, Retroleaf, has been “deleted,” though it’s still used for analysis. Retroleaf was like Applesauce, and it was destroying the national security and financial state of the school. I reach out to the VP, who is a liaison between SSA and Maria. Finally, Special Agent Nathaniel helps me plant the note in the locker.
I go full war on 9th grade, as their lies sought to destroy SSA and create a new world order. I will not crumble under pressure, releasing a statement to Denver and anyone who will listen. The war rages on for days. With a pre-written speech, I emerge from class, giving a press conference at the lockers. Denver and the other 9th graders surround me. Dash’s old girlfriend taunts me, and inwardly, I’m thankful that my plan to “disrupt” GCAM (other than with weird, annoying noises) wasn’t implemented before this. (Essentially, SSA and GCAM were already tense, and SSA had sanctions on GCAM for unrelated offenses.)
I whip out my laptop and start speaking as fast as possible. Breathing in, I belt, “I would like to reiterate that Jesus, and nobody else inside or outside the school, is the center of my life or the universe. Jesus is the Lord and leader of my life, and He is the only one worthy of adoration, worship, and praise. Furthermore, I strive to uphold the US SSA and Glory Christian Academy Constitution! I strive to uphold the best quality. You are playing the game of megabytes per second while I play in gigabytes per second. I fought in 7th grade and had a similar situation in 8th grade. My time is now, and I will overcome. I shall not capitulate! SSA will lead the way! Gigabytes beat megabytes; I shall send you to the Stone Age. I worship no king or queen, no kid in the school. I have no king but Jesus. He is the center of my life. He is Lord of all, divine savior, and king! The SSA constitution is against teenage dating! Do you think I would violate the clause in the document? Nay! Nay, I say! It’s a national security threat. But I’m going to build back better. I’m going to make the agency great again. This is my comeback moment. I stand for Christianity, I stand for the agency, and I stand for Samsung!”
After my speech, Denver says he believes me, but I remain militaristic. With my new catchphrase dominating the school and SSA-GCAM tensions still high, I go nuclear on 9th grade, responding with shock and awe—anything related to Maria, pie charts, Retroleaf software, anything! That Wednesday, I was supposed to go on a trip, but I knew better. Like World War V before me, I had to stay and fight the rumors, fight the allegations, fight to make SSA relevant again! 9th grade would not win.
Finally, Saturday arrives, and it’s time for me to podcast again. 9th-grade trolls infect the chat, leaving comments about Maria. I delete them and retaliate with a new pinned comment. Investigating the account, I find out who it’s probably linked to, and on Monday, I target him, watching for any slight mistake. Finally, like an F-16, I swoop in, hack the phone, reset the Google account password, and delete the comments. SSA demonstrates that we can strike anywhere, anytime, anyplace—that we are a force to be reckoned with.
Meanwhile, SSA is furiously starting Operation N.O.R.M.A.L. Utilizing Reddit research, I post my operation, which is essential to preventing a domino effect like in communism. 9th grade has fallen. GCAM is isolated. If Maria and 9th grade start spreading this theory, it could be disastrous. After some research, I created the plan, which entails:
Operation NORMAL will entail:
1. Downloading teen apps like Snapchat and Clash of Clans.
2. Using teen terms in conversation and keeping words to two syllables. Phrases like “geopolitics,” “national security,” “pie chart,” “operation,” and “summit” will not be used and will be replaced with “hangout.” Anti-teenage dating will remain a strong policy due to the software.
Finally, SSA, with the assistance of the VP, breaks through to Maria, and we’re on speaking terms again, even adding me back on Snapchat. 9th grade has been defeated, and SSA has led the way. In the outbreak of the war, we even caught Molly doing some bad, potentially illegal things. She and a group of others snuck under a bridge to offer “sacrifices” or chant demonic phrases while still at school. I snapped some pics of Molly and some of the 9th graders, and most of them, but not Molly, got caught in the greatest sting op in SSA history! A student who got caught asked me if I reported them, and to smooth things over with Geneva and Miala, I pretended I didn’t know. SSA had led the way and saved the day! SSA’s longest war since 8th grade was over, and we had won. Praise the Power that preserved us as a NATION! Now to find out why this war started.
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