WATERGATE

     

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 As tensions flared between the prom-positive GCAM and the evangelical-rightish SSA, allies, disagreements, and debates swirled across CSM, with people offering all sorts of conflicting advice. GCAM announced bold plans to hack into a secure SSA computer and launch a line of spy toys to monitor SSA and topple their backed government. SSA intel doubted these claims, but it gave us the leverage we needed.

      Back at headquarters, I prepped an old phone with espionage tools and dusted off my headset. Weeks earlier, I’d let people talk into the phone and could hear their voices through the headset—though it didn’t work in reverse. So, I rigged my computer with software to bridge the gap. I also convinced my parents to let me buy a "voice-activated recorder" under the guise of needing it for "student council." Over the next few days, I fine-tuned my outing plan and scanned my backpack for bugs.

    The recorder arrived days later, and I was thrilled. Special Agent Maverick remained skeptical of GCAM’s capabilities—were they really building a spy agency or planning to hack my computer?—but the threat was real enough to demand action. I tested the recorder in study hall, and the results were shocking. Beyond whispers of "building a new spy agency" and "destroying SSA" (with facts and logic, naturally), SSA still hadn’t uncovered any spy toys or agencies. But the tape revealed… interesting tidbits. Summer asked about my favorite food, then started whispering and giggling. I sat between JVN’s Jayla and GCAM’s Geneva, my special agents close by. As Summer spoke oddly, I narrated into the mic. Then they tried to accuse me of "whispering about Geneva" on false pretenses, while Summer refused to let it go. "That’s your problem," I shot back, to their amusement. Clarissa claimed I was a "girl" in a past life and bizarrely likened me to Michelle Obama. Summer insisted Michelle Obama was still alive.

    Next came questions about "modesty," which I answered with a GotQuestions reference. Then they asked about "BBL," which I misheard as "PBL," prompting a ramble about last year’s PBL class. The questions grew wilder—George Floyd, Blackness, Maria, Geneva—echoing a chaotic day from November 9, 2022. In one cringe moment, Clarissa mistook a hand gesture for a "whoa" and roped the teacher into it. I saved it all to tape, muttering that this school was a sitcom. After class, I dashed to the GCAM base and planted the tape. They’d moved, so I replanted it. Back at base, I reviewed the recordings—nothing actionable yet. As GCAM shifted from tables to bleachers, I crawled beneath to hide, then slinked along the floor to distract them. More tapes piled up, including one with Geneva’s voice. Amid rumors of a fake crush and a push for prom concessions, she asked, "Ethan, wanna hold hands and roller skate? I’m not great at it." I laughed. "Covid rules, Geneva—six feet apart. Besides, I didn’t pay to skate." Maria chimed in, "Nobody really had to pay." I declined, catching their rule-breaking on tape. Fourteen minutes in, fireworks erupted—literally.

      Jayla and Nadalie approached their usual spot, now occupied by GCAM. I’d stolen Nikki’s spot in eighth grade, so I didn’t mind, but restarting the GCAM-JVN war was risky—especially as GCAM lost support despite their supermajority. "Can we have our spot?" they asked politely. GCAM-S relinquished it, grumbling. I lingered, bug in hand, tracking their chatter. After they left, Nadalie asked, "What were they saying about us?" I hesitated—sharing the tape could spark war. Ultimately, I played it, summarizing their anti-JVN stance and suspicions of hidden agendas. Job talk? Irrelevant.

    SSA, stung by GCAM’s moves, greenlit a proxy war. In our latest wargame, JVN edged out GCAM (with neutral SSA support), buoyed by ninth- and tenth-grade backing for the "J." The next day, as the SSA-GCAM proxy war heated up, I approached Maria with a question. The girls whispered, playacting as spies, so I unleashed my trump card: a taped, transcribed highlight reel from study hall. I grabbed my laptop. "Summer, at two minutes, you threatened to beat me up. Clarissa, you called me a girl. Summer, more whispering about me, plus spy agency claims. Then you baited me into weird talk. Maria, you made monkey noises. Then you accused me of being ‘pro-white’ and wishing I was white on my fourth birthday…"

    "Wait, what? Let me see!" "This is hilarious—where’d you get this?" "It’s on tape." Shock and fear hit them. "You TAPED this?!" "Yep. You claimed to have bugs and a spy agency." "Ethan, we don’t have bugs—we were kidding!" "Fine. I won’t spy if you don’t." "Deal." Mission accomplished: war averted, deal struck, and I’d pulled off a mini-Watergate.

Or had I? I checked with David and some Liberty Prep folks… just to be sure.

CSM@THETECHBOY: I JUST COMMITTED WATERGATE!!!